July August September October November
I was once in love with you and now sometimes I hate you. There was a time I hated you every day, now the pain in less but when I do feel it is so strong. I had set everything up just so, all you had to do was play your small role. I got the house, I took care of you, I was your arm piece at parties and when it was required of me to be smart and witty I was.
A year and a half after leaving you and what do I have to show for it?!?! Alone in a rented house not even my precious pup to soothe my tears. No babies laughter to soothe me….. I suppose to just wasn’t my time to be a mother, even a single mother.
I blame you! I HATE YOU. For all that you put me through while we were married and all that I have had to go through since leaving you.
If you had just done your part….you simple part! I didn’t expect you to be perfect but I did expect you to try. All you had to do was sit down and have dinner with me at night, go to bed with me, wake up with me, hold my hand and on occasion make love to me. I was your wife! None of that should have been to much to ask.
I get so angry with you when I think back on how simple you had it. You’re an idiot!!! Knowing that does’t make my pain any less.
Honestly I think I was doing ok until I got pregnant. I was happy when I found out but sad that I wasn’t having a baby the way I always thought I would. In a home (that I bought) with my husband. I love the man that I am with but I know that I will never have the family that I want with him. The pregnancy and then loss of pregnancy taught me that. It is foolish to blame you but I feel these are things that I would not have experienced if you had just done your part. I know that I would never have met or fallen in love with the man that I know now - and love more than I ever loved you- but there is a give and take to everything in life.
In time I will be completely happy that I left you and stop hating you for everything you did and didn’t do in our marriage but i don’t think that day will come until I have everything that I want in my life, everything that I feel you kept me from. Love, children, a home, and happiness.